Monday, September 19, 2011

Letting His Hands Mend My Heart


    My prayer this morning as I waited for the doctor, was somehow, there would be a heartbeat. I requested she try again for my sake and sadly as I knew, there was none. Even though I didn't hear one, I was comforted as I laid my heart in God's hands.    
    Fresh tears well up with each passing moment as I continue to grieve the loss of my child. I grieve the dreams that were attached so strongly to her. Each child has a purpose, no matter how long or brief they graced the earth with their presence. What took my breath away, was the realization of God's hands in this process. Our lives are never perfect, normal, or calm though we would like them to be. If they were, what opportunity would we have to turn to God and ask Him hold our hearts in His hands. How could we be awestruck in how He works in our weaknesses? How would we know it was truly Him?
    During the time of absorbing the news and trying to make sense of it all, I was comforted by so many women who have walked this painful path before me. It's a part of life, it was nothing I did, nor was it a punishment as some like to believe. Life itself happens, it's not in our control. We can be humble and ask God to walk with us or reject His presence. I choose to allow Him to mend my heart. I choose to see the wisdom in this process and embrace what He has in store. I know that if I give Him the pieces, He will mend it far better than I could on my own.

4 comments:

  1. Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. Your post is comforting to me, as I recently had my own loss.

    God is mending your beautiful heart and your embrace will be an inspiration to many. Thank you.

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  2. I have been there too many times myself, in that quiet ultrasound room looking at a lifeless screen. So heart wrenchingly horrible. Writing always helps and through the writing comes the gift of connecting to women who carry the same hurt. God has been so unmistakingly present in all 4 of my losses. And I always love hearing how He meets others too. So thank you for sharing.

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  3. It's so true. I've come to the realization that miscarriage really is a fact of life. We aren't in control and God has plans for each child, no matter how long they graced this earth.

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